I'll be honest...I still don't know what "being" a dad is supposed to feel like. It's not as simple as everyone in the movies, TV or in books makes it out to be. I was never sure I was cut out to be a father. I'm still not sure I'm cut out to be a father. I think that's why it took me so long to get married, because even though everyone told me how wonderful I was with children...they were other people's children...and they went home at the end of the day.
Now I have my own kids. Every single day I have a million different emotions going through my head, and most of them include self doubt, that coming to this game so late in life I'm too selfish, and my ideas about raising children are too "old school."
I wonder if I'll ever get the hang of this or can be the person I thought I could be (or others told me I could be)? Yet my wife loves me, and puts up with my moods and being tired all the time from working a crazy shift, and my kids seem to think I'm OK.
The Father's Day cards my kids gave me this year were amazingly raw in emotion and feelings from a couple of 11 year old. Both thanked me for marrying their mom, moving them to Roseville and being their father. I was not expecting to read that. After I said good night to them, and my wife, and thanked them for a wonderful Father's Day, I went up to bed and cried.
Maybe I am getting the occasional thing right?