I think I have a self esteem problem.
I don't know when it started. Maybe when I was in school? My parents were supportive of me, but according to Psychology Today, that can also hurt you later in life. Some psychologists say if you had a parent who was"overly and indiscriminately supportive, it can leave you feeling unprepared for the cruel world. Without initial cause to develop a thick outer layer, it can feel challenging and even shameful to view yourself as unable to withstand the challenges of life outside the home." I don't think that's me, but maybe it is?
I've known what I've wanted to do since I was a kid, and went after it. The picture below, that's me, when I was 15 or 16 and just started out in the radio biz. Even then I was a go-getter.
I know I'm a people pleaser, which is good and bad. I'm also a perfectionist, and hate making mistakes. I'm hardest on myself, and have been told I don't give myself enough credit for all I've accomplished over the years.
I'm not afraid to take risks. I've gone parachuting, traveled around the world on my own, and stayed single most of my life. Now, I'm married with two children who support me, but I still lack the confidence to see the good in me. I know deep down inside I'm worth more. My wife is an angel and reassures me all the time. So why can't I accept the praise and just move forward?
Oh, I probably should have mentioned this sooner, I also hate conflict. Browsing the web I found this example: "Your friend asks what you think of her dress, so you say it looks great on her even if it doesn’t fit her at all. Your partner asks you if it’s okay to get Thai food for dinner and you say yes—even if you’re sick of Thai food." That's me! I'm trying to get better about it, and once I know a person, I'll open my soul to them. But at the end of the day, I don't want to hurt their feelings, so I'm willing to clam up and not rock the boat.
Maybe you can relate to this, or maybe you can't. These days I'm trying not to to compare myself to others, or to apologize when something is not my fault. I don't want to have to tell little white lies to avoid conflict, or to beat myself up when I stumble and make a mistake.
I know I won't always be happy in this life, but I want to be content. I have a lot to be thankful for, so it's time I start seeing in myself, what others see in me.